


I know your fears

by beyond_the_nights_world



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Fake Character Death, Other, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 20:25:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6921994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beyond_the_nights_world/pseuds/beyond_the_nights_world
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A demon has infiltrated the bunker</p>
            </blockquote>





	I know your fears

**Author's Note:**

> This is a reader inserted one shot. The reader's name is tabbed with (Y/N).  
> Do not read, if you don't like mentioning of blood, death and torture.

“This is a book about ancient weeds”, you mentioned, throwing the old book on the pile you've already gone through. Ten hours ago Sam had arrived with ten big removal crates, he had found in the basement of an old house, filled with books, letters and parchments. The stuff was old, some of the things nearly fallen into ashes. Sam had the opinion this might be important for fighting demons. So you sat all around the library table, coffee mugs and sandwiches spread over it.  
You definitely were a woman of action, hunting, driving... killing. Adrenaline was floating your veins, when another demon was burning to ash. Hitting the books – although you knew it was important – wasn't what you loved. Or better said, you hated it like the devil hated holy water. Old books were giving you a headache and dust made you sneeze. And you have to say, old books were creepy. Words and drawings on old paper, which could kill you, when they were pronounced right. Someone could whisper a stupid spell, which you didn't even hear and...kaboom.... you were dead.  
“We have found a few nice information about some ghosts and demons. But that's not the lulu”, Dean sighed while taking a sip out of his beer bottle.  
“So what shall we do?”, he asked, watching from one to the other, hoping someone would make it an end.  
“I have a text here, it is written on Enochian, something about the elements... maybe something”, Cas mentioned. The angel looked up from his text with an impression of fun on his face. Maybe he was happy about reading something in his foreign angel language. With surprise you realized his coat and the suit jacket were hanging over the armrest of an empty chair. “You look naked”, you mumbled, scrutinizing him surprised. You have never seen him without his – as you call it – superhero cape and it was a thing you have to get used to. But it was definitely nice and less stiff. “Naked? Me?”, he blushed and looked down, picking the white fabric of his shirt. “I did not realize you think I am naked... so if you want me to wear my coat again...”  
He looked confused and you just had to smile about the angel and his liability to understand things wrong. “It's all fine, Cas. You look naked just means, I was surprised to see you without your coat. It's a bit unfamiliar to see you like that. “ You smiled at him and he relaxed a bit. “Dean said, I shall make myself more comfortable.”  
“Yeah, Cas. Said that. You always look like on the run.”  
“I am on the run, Dean.”  
Dean rolled his eyes slightly. “I know. But the bunker is safe. This is home. Our home... so it's your home. And at home you don't wear coats.”  
Dean leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms in front of his chest, watching Cas. The angel had furrowed his eyebrows like he always did, when he was thinking about something. Then, a short smile spread over his face and he lifted his book to read again. “It's a good home”, he mumbled still smiling.

“I get us some burgers”, you mentioned after a another hour of reading and got up from the chair. Your back was hurting, your eyes burning and the hunger in your stomach was growling like a hell hound. And you definitely needed some fresh air. Dean looked up, but before he could make the suggestion to join you, Sam handed him another book. “I think Y/N knows the way, he smiled, winking to you over the edge of the parchment he was reading.  
“Sure, Sammy. Double cheese and fries for everyone?”  
All of the three were nodding mutually, while you were leaving the bunker.  
God, the air outside was fresh and a bit damp. A small stripe of sunlight was disappearing behind the trees and some stars already twinkled on a clear heaven. Before moving to your car, you started to stretch yourself, elongating your arms over your head. You felt your muscles stiffened and a headache rose behind your forehead. “I hope we will find something”; you murmured to yourself, while you were leant forward to touch your toe. Something blue laying on the ground attached your attention. You knelt down and pick it up. “This must be one of the books!” You examined it carefully. It was as old as the others books Sam had carried in. The binding was out of blue leather with a small dark red writing on it. “Tertio igitur ... anno imperii... metu”, you read slowly. What a sensational title! You got into your car, throwing the book on the passangers seat.  
It took you just half an hour to come back to the bunker, hands full of unhealthy stuff for the soul. You even had bought a pie for Dean. Maybe you could just eat and make a rest for today. The books didn't run away.  
You entered the bunker and headed to the library, expecting the three boys to sit and read. But the whole room was empty. The table was clean, no signs of books or parchments. Did they finished the work?  
“Boys.... the burger queen is here.” You put down the burgers on the table and looked around. It was silent . The only sound you could here was the deep buzzing noise of the generator. “Guys. Come on. The burgers are getting cold.” You turned around, but the whole library was empty.  
Out of a feeling you unlocked your gun. “Dean?... Sam? You know, I hate such jokes.” You surrounded the table pointing the gun in front of you, stepping slowly forward. “Cas... come on.”  
Nothing.  
You walked down, stepping into one of the hallways, leading to the rooms and the kitchen. Something was wrong in here. Definitely wrong!  
“Dean, Sam,... Cas?” You shouted, but still nothing.  
Closing your eyes for a second, you thought about what to do now. Your blood pressure was rising and you slowly turned into hunting-mode, prepared for every demon to appear.  
You had no proof, but it was a feeling and you might call it empirically. The first way led you to one of the cupboards next to the entrance, where you stored salt, holy water and other ingredients for fighting a demon. You took a small bottle and a box with salt and put it in the pocket of your trousers.  
What kind of demon had the chance to enter the bunker? And why didn't even Cas had a chance to kill it? Cas always came, when you were calling him and he wasn't the one who play pranks on you as long as the boys did.  
Your heart was beating fast, when you started to move again. Slowly, step by step, eyes open.  
Someone was here. You could feel the cold chill breezing down the hallways. It felt like a soft floss touching your skin, sending a shiver down your spine. You moved forward, both hands clawed around your gun.  
“Sammy...Dean... I am gonna kill you, when I find out you punkedme.”  
A noise reached your ear. A whisper from down the hall. You moved on, turned around the corner.  
“Oh my God...Sammy!”

The younger Winchester was sitting on the floor his back leaned against the doorframe of the kitchen. His body was covered with fresh blood. The fluid was running out of his mouth, his nose, even his ears. The former dark brown hair was glued to his face, wet of blood and sweat. You knelt down next to him, touching his shoulder carefully. He didn't react, instead he was staring to a point somewhere in front of him. “Sam... Sammy what happen?” You put his head in your hands, trying to help him focussing on you. “Saaamm. Sammy... come on... Sam.” His head fall into your hands, lifeless and cold. Only now you were realizing, he wasn't breathing anymore. “No, god... no. Nooo.” Your fingers run through his hairs to his pulse. Nothing. He...he was dead.  
With shaking fingers you laid him back down to the floor, closing his eyes in peace. Tears were dwalling in your eyes and you felt your bile burning in your mouth. Something was here, something was killing inside the bunker. Your fingers were shaking so hard, you couldn't hold the gun properly. You tried to take a few deep breathes, calming yourself down. Sam was dead, but what had happened to Dean and Cas? If they need help....

You straightened your shoulders and got up. “Sammy”, you whispered, before rising your gun again. What ever it was, it will pay. No one... no one touched your family. 

It was getting cold and colder in the hallways with every step you moved forward, but the demon was nowhere to find. You could hear him whispering, you could feel his presence ghosting through the walls of the bunker. “Y/N...” The sudden sound of a dark, creaky voice made you flinch. “Y/N...” Again and again... It felt like someone was speaking right inside your mind. “Y/N... are you afraid? Is this what you fear....Y/N?”  
“I am not afraid”, you were wincing, pressing your hand against your forehead. The voice was penetrating your head, sliding through every convultion of your brain. “I know, what you are afraid of...Y/N.”  
“Who is afraid? You fucking, hiding demon. Hiding between these walls. Come on... come on you coward...”, you were screaming against the nothing around you.  
“I know, what you are afraid of....Y/N” The voice seemed to be unfazed, repeating this sentence on and on. “I am not....”; you wanted to shout again, but you got interupted. A scream...dark, husky and full of pain. A deep cry, which were sending goosebumps all over your body.  
“Nooo, pleeeease, have mercy... please...”  
You knew the voice. Cas.

You ran down the hallways, following the screams. “Cas...? Castiel?” He was still yelling and the immense pain in his voice made you panicking. The sounds were coming out of one of the rooms near the dungeon. You stumbled through the door, nearly falling into the room, the gun at the ready.  
You saw him. He was pinned against the wall, his hands shackled over his head with iron cuffs. A dark shadow was standing in front of him, an angel blade in his hand. The silver was glistening in front of the angels face.  
You try to reach the demon, but couldn't move, couldn't even scream. It was like watching a scene of a horror movie.  
“Mercy....please.” Cas was whimpering, ripping at his chains.  
“Y/N... I know, what you fear...”, the demon howled, stabbing the angelblade into Cas' stomach.  
The angels head fell back, bumping against the wall, he was enchained at. He screamed, clenching his jaws together.  
“No...stop it....please...no.”  
You were fighting against the force, which was holding you back, but something had petrified you and you had to watch. Watching the demon... watching Cas.  
The shadow was wafting around the angel, talking to him.  
“Mercy....you beg for mercy? You know, what I want....”  
“I...wont give you Sam and Dean...” Castiel's face was distorted by pain, but he stared at the demon. Proud...strong and relentlessly.  
“Y/N was more cooperative”; the demon laughed at Cas. “She told me everything, I want to know... everything...she betrayed you...she is weak...”  
You looked at the demon, looked at Cas. His blue eyes wide in despair. “Y/N?”  
“Yes, angel. She betrayed you...she...killed you.”  
The angelblade glistened again, like a flash in the darkness.  
“Caaasss. Nooooooooooo”  
The silvery dagger sunk down into Castiels chest. He was looking at you, as if he was realizing just now, you had been standing here. “Y/N...” His voice broke, the life disappeared.  
“Y/N... I know what you are afraid of.”  
The dark shadow disappeared and with him the rigidity of your body. You ran forward to the place, Cas was hanging at the wall motionenless. “Cas... “, you whispered, touching his face. Against expectation, he winced noiselessly. “Y/N?” You could hardly hear his voice. With all your strength, you tried to release his body out of the bonds, but the iron was fastened too strong around his wrists. “I help you, Cas. I'll get you out here...”  
“Why...Y/N? Why?” He faced you with a gaze so gloomy and dejected, you have never seen at him before.  
“Cas I haven't... I...never...”  
“Don't lie to me, Y/N. Why?” He coughed and a small trickle of blood was dripping out of his mouth.  
He shook his head, didn't listen to what you have to say.  
“Why?”

Staring at the blood on the floor, you were sitting next to Cas, unable to think straight. The angel was dead, Castiel was gone. Died in the belief, that you had betrayed them all. The demon made him believe you were a traitor, deceiving your own family. “I am no traitor”; you whispered again and again as if you have to convince yourself. But it wouldn't bring Cas back. His body was hanging in the bonds, the blood already started to dry, leaving behind a dark crust.  
“Y/N I know, what you are afraid of...” There it was a again. The voice of the demon came from right in front of you and when you looked up, you could see the swirling outlines of a person or -better said- a shadow, that had formed himself into something human like. Your hand slided into your pocket, where you could feel the cool structure of the bottle.  
The thought of revenge filled your whole body, as you tried to get up, but you could move a milimeter. Again.  
“If you wanna kill me.... do it. What are you waiting for?”  
“I know your fear...everybody is dying... because of you!” The shadow moved up and down in front of your face, just the length of an arm away.  
“Sam... is gone... the angel is gone. Because of you..... and now...you are alone... all alone.”  
“I am not alone...” you spat into the nebulous face of the demon. Dean was here and you felt he was still alive. As if the entity could read your mind, it started to laugh. “Dean Winchester... he is not dead... you are right. But do you think, he want to deal with you any longer. You...who has killed his only brother... has killed his friend...” His strident voice was full of arrogance.  
“Nooo, i did not cause the death of Sam and Cas. It was you... and you will pay...”  
The demon didn't take note of what you are saying. The shadow moved slowly to the door behind him. “You are alone Y/N. All alone... and no one will help you.”  
Than he was gone, disolved into nothing.

You got up on your feet, running out of the room without a look back. The view of Cas dead was unbearable to you, but you had to move on...to save Dean, to prove the demon wrong. You were running although you didn't even know where to go. Dean could be anywhere inside the winding hallways of the bunker. There were doors and crossings, you never had seen before. “Dean?....Deaaaan?” Sending prayers to God to find him alive you head back to the library. “Dean...!” There he stood, right in the middle of the room, alive and unharmed. “Dean...there's a demon hunting us here in the...”; you stumbled, heading towards him.  
“Sammy is dead”; his words were like ice. Cold, sharp without life. He looked up, stared directly into your eyes and you could see the hate on his face. His brothers was gone and you knew, when you saw his jaws clenching, his whole body stiffening, he thought it was your fault.  
“I know, Dean. I know...but listen... the demon...”  
“Shut the hell up and get out...”  
Tears dwelling in your eyes and you felt your stomach twisting. No, he couldn´t believe...  
“Dean...please...it was not my fault... please.”  
He clenched his fists and moved slowly nearer.  
“Not... your fault?” Hi pronounced every word, slowly, his voice trembling with anger.  
“You betrayed me... your family...and you say it is not your fault.” He inhaled sharply and through pressed lips he muttered something that made you break into pieces. “Fuck off, Y/N. Or I kill you.”  
You couldn't move a step. Your heart was beating and you felt the pulse bumping in your head.  
“Dean... please”, you whimpered, as his hands grabbed your throat.

The world went dark and you felt like falling. Something was grabbing you, touching your face. A voice reached you. Hollow, like floating through layers of cotton.  
“Y/N...?”  
“Come on... sweetie.”  
Voices. You knew them. So familiar.  
A hand was clapping your cheek and the darkness slowly turned into a dim grey fog. Shadows appeared and with every breath, you took the shadows changed into familiar faces.  
“Dean?...Sammy?”  
The younger Winchester was holding your hand, while his brother was still stroking your cheek.  
“God, Y/N you get me scared shitless!”  
“You're alive? Is this true?” You reached out your hand, touching Sam's chest. His heart was beating, he felt warm and alive.  
“Sure, we are alive. But we thought we lost you. If Cas hadn't found you...” You nearly jumped into a sitting position, looking around until you saw the angel. He was standing at the table, holding the old book you had found outside in his hand. It was stabbed with the angelblade.  
“What the hell did this demon do to you? You were screaming, seizing...”  
Dean was out of breath, scared to death. He was still holding you, squeezing your free hand.  
“I...I don't know?”  
You knew everything. But you felt too overwhelmed to talk about what happened.  
“Don't you remember anything? I mean, you was possessed by a demon and....”; Sam asked, while helping you up.  
“Let her calm down. Don't you see she is shaking and need some rest?” This time, Cas was speaking and his voice was surprisingly sharp. He put the book in a metallic basket and with a snap of his fingers it caught fire.  
With a few steps he closed the gap and touched your arm slowly. Then, he raised his hand and wanted to heal you with his fingertips on your forehead, but you shook your head. “I am fine, Cas. Thank you.... I just need some rest as you say.” You turned towards the door, hoping no one would follow. This was such a breathtaking experience. You have never been possessed by a demon before and it felt so real, so frightning. As if something was digging deep inside the abyss of your soul and you could just stand at the sideline and watch. The voice of the demon still echoed in your mind. “fear...alone...fault”.  
You entered your room and the posters at the wall, the familiar smell of your favourite joss stick and the light on your bed table made you feel a little more safer. You closed the door behind you and crossed the room to the small bed, which you call your own.  
You flopped on the bed as a precipitated tree. You closed your eyes and tried with deep and slow breaths to calm down. It was not the first time and will also not be the last time, that you are confronted with demons. Normally, you could shrug off such a thing quickly, but this time...  
The voice of the demon was still reverberating in your head. Quiet, but biting enough to feel uncomfortable.  
What if the Demon had said nothing but the truth and you were too weak and would fail at the decisive moment? Previously, you had mastered every demon and vampire, which was nothing against the dangers lurking out there. Demons and angels knew methods to torture the worse than anything else. You knew, you would rather die, than to betray one of the guys. You knew it now, where you were in safety. What would it look like, if you would hang on chains waiting for infinite punishments? Would it not be a lightweight thought? Just giving up, when you couldn't stand anymore? Tiredly you slip back and forth on your bed, until you could pull out the duvet of the bed from under your butt.  
Lying under the blanket, you opened your trousers and removed it together with your boots and let them carelessly flop on the floor. At some distance the world would certainly look different. You draw the blanket tightly around your body and closed the eyes, trying to sleep. You have hardly closed your lids, as the pictures rose in front of your mind. Sam, covered with blood, dead.  
Cas, tortured by the demon. Dean...  
Tears were dwelling in your eyes as you stared at the ceiling. The weak light cone of your lamp hung like a pale sun under the ceiling, pushing the chilling darkness back.  
Restlessly,you rolled from one side to the other, trying to find any position, in which you could come to rest, but as soon as you closed your eyes the pictures were back again. Again and again and again.  
A faint knock on your door brought you back to reality. It was probably Sam, still having a question or Dean, hoping with a portion of chips and a beer, the world would become a little more happier again.  
"Y/N?"  
You recognized the voice immediately and it definitely did not belong to one of the two Winchesters, but to Castiel.  
"Come in”, you murmured and pulled the blanket up, that only your eyes and your hair looked out under the fabric  
With a quiet creak the door went open and you saw the silhouette-like figure of the angel in the door frame. Cas came in slowly and closed the door behind him, before he reached your bed and gave you a worried and confused look.  
"May I?", he asked after a moment of almost uncomfortable silence.  
You nodded, that the blanket scuffles. To your surprise, he didn't take a chair ,but sat down on the edge of the bed, cautiously avoiding to bury an arm or a foot of yours among him coincidentally.  
"This book is completely destroyed and also the demon. Sam and Dean just check all other books."  
"Good",you whispered, "that's good."  
"How do you feel, Y/N?" You noticed, how he was facing you and you tried to avoid his questioning gaze by staring on his tie.  
"I'm fine." You would not believe yourself, if you would hear your voice. There was still a trembling in your voice and it sound peculiar husky, as if you had screamed and cried the whole night.  
"I would like to believe that, but I register something else. I feel fear and uncertainty."  
Cas raises his hand and put it on the bedspread, where he suspected your leg.  
"I won't urge you, but if you want to talk about... Sam says it helps to speak with someone. And I would like to help you."  
You sat up and scooted back until your shoulders leaned against the head of the bed. Uncertainly, your gaze wandered through the room, always anxious not to look at Cas for too long. You noticed he still only wore the shirt and here in the dim light of your room, it was still unusual to see him like this.  
"Thank you, Cas. But I... what should I talk about it, when I do not know how to classify it myself. Everything that happens is... what this demon has shown me... I have no idea ... I..."  
Actually, you didn´t want to talk about it and you preferred to work it out with yourself, but with every word you feel more and more tears shooting in your eyes and you had difficulties to hide them.  
"What did he show you, Y/N that you are so very upset?" Cas had moved forward. He had taken your hands in his, rubbing smooth circles on the back of them.  
"I ... I thought you were dead. First I found Sammy in the hallways. Dead, his whole body covered with wounds . The demon has spoken with me all the time. He said, he knew what I am afraid of and that this is all my fault,” you sobbed, trying to wipe away the tears from your cheeks. Talking about what had happened was even worse than just thinking about it. It seemed to give it more weight and to make it realer, as it was.  
"What happened next?" Cas still kept your hands in his and looked at you with big eyes. You shook your head sadly. "Come, Y/N. Talk to me. Please."  
"I ... I have heard you scream. I ran and ran, but I was too late. You were tied up and the demon has ..." your voice shook so badly that you barely could bring out more words.  
Cas released your hands, just for pulling you in a warm embrace.  
"He has tortured you... you were killed in front of my eyes and ... and ... and he told you, that I have betrayed you... I am... the reason for your death. And... you believed him..."  
"Pssscht, Y/N." His hands rubbing soothingly over your back and he leaned his head against yours  
"You know, that I never would believe that. You know it, don´t you?" You nodded, while you were burying your face in his chest. He was alive, he was here, holding you in his arms and it still felt, as if it was just a dream.  
"Demons are playing with the fears of their victims. They can look in your head like in an open book”, said Cas, while he was holding you as if he was afraid a storm could wrest you.  
"And what they tell you... it is a lie. They plant fear in your head and let you believe things, which are not true. I trust you and I know you would never betray us."  
"But..."  
He pushed you away a bit and rested his hands on your cheeks  
"Y/N...I trust you..." His voice was quiet and lovely. "We all trust you... probably more than you trust yourself." His thumb caresses your cheeks and he wiped tear for tear from them. "A little naive, hmm", you attempted to joke and a slight smile ghosted over your mouth. "Maybe ...," He smiled and his hands wandered back to yours. "You should rest and try to get some sleep. If you want to, I could..."  
"I don't want your angel mojo." This was a task you have to process alone.  
"I just wanted to offer, I´ll stay here until you are asleep."


End file.
